This n That

Long Time No Post

2012-01-20T11:23:00.006-06:00

Wow! Looking back at these posts I realize I am glad I did them as they captured some memories too easily forgotten. Claire is 10, almost 11 and Gwen is 9 and 1/2. Time is flying by! I am gonna start posting again if only for me to have a way to preserve some of life's moments on paper.

I don't really have anything much to say today other than that I realized the other day that I am no longer so worried about what I want to be when I grow up as I am what kind of wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend and human being I was. I think this is a good place and with God's help maybe I will have some success :)

2009-01-21T11:49:00.002-06:00

I cannot believe it is mid January already! I will strive to post more this year. This is my favorite photo from the holidays. I need to write down things which happen else it is too easy to forget. It all goes by so quickly!

Baby Jesus

2008-11-24T12:50:00.004-06:00

This morning before school Gwen told me how she was going to share with her class about baby Jesus and that he was a savior who now is a grown up and called God. "Right, mom?" Ummmm, "Right, Gwen". I mean too much adult theology can really complicate things. Do I tell her Jesus is the Son and God is the Father? So does that translate to her Jesus is not God? Do I tell her Jesus and God are the same? I just chose to pause, enjoy and smile. I am glad she is listening and hearing. It is sweet to observe.

Gwen's Daisy Ceremony

2008-11-16T07:33:00.002-06:00

She is now an official Daisy, though she did ask if there were Roses. I think the girl has a bit more expensive taste :)

They keep growing up!

2008-11-06T05:51:00.001-06:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Future Beaus Beware!

2007-12-01T17:18:00.000-06:00

I honestly am not sure where Gwen has gotten her fascination with thoughts of brides, marriage, husbands etc. I can only hope she outgrows this phase and does not revisit it for, oh lets say, 30 years or more!!!

The other day I was talking to the kids about them being old enough to start doing some things like making their beds. Claire was all for it and started immediately helping me make the beds but Gwen sat back observing us and declared "I am NEVER going to make a bed"! "Oh, yes you will" I replied with a authoritative tone, that I often use but am usually clueless as to what I am actually going to do. To which Gwen announced "my husband will make the beds" and then followed it with "I think Jacob knows how to make beds". Where does she get this stuff?! And who is this little Jacob guy?!

Cool Girls!

2007-11-11T12:02:00.000-06:00

Future Plans

2007-11-11T11:46:00.000-06:00

Friday morning Gwen was in a quandry. She told me she couldn't decide who to marry - Jonathan or Jacob. A few minutes later she must have decided how to solve her problem as I overheard her ask Claire "Sis, would you marry Jonathan for me"?

Now, I knew about Jacob but Jonathan was new on the scene so later that day I asked Gwen if Jonathan was now her boyfriend too. She said "No, but I am going to date him when I am in high school."

Now ask me what Gwen was for Halloween ... A BRIDE!!!!!

A Pretty Proud First Grader!

2007-11-11T11:36:00.000-06:00

Just a Glimpse

2007-11-03T06:43:00.000-05:00

A week or so ago I experienced a very peaceful moment where I seemed to sense the presence of God and His love for me in a way I couldn't shake off or argue with. Though it was a warm and welcome time, there was a part of me that found it difficult to just sit with. My insides are so busy all the time and there was an urge to run off and "share my experience". It was like I peeked around a corner and caught a brief look at Jesus and I was ready to proclaim to everyone my indepth knowledge of Him, though in actuality I had only caught a glimpse.

From some of my Old Testament studies I have learned that the Hebrews would not give a "name" to God for to name something or someone would be to have power over them or probably at least to say you could define them. The older I grow the more and more this seems wise to me.

SHOTS!

2007-11-03T06:28:00.000-05:00

Today is flu shot day! I broke it to the girls last night that they were getting a flu shot. Oh the wailing and bargining that ensued! Come to think of it, I believe they traversed all the different stages of grief within a minute's time and in unison.

The settling phase was when they talked me into buying them a toy for taking the shot with reasonable calmness. Of course they had several examples of friends at school that have already received a toy for taking the shot (I smell a conspiracy). I am sure I probably broke some proper parenting rule but the instant gratification of no more whining was too much for me!!!

Later, as we lay down to go to sleep the girls were so emotionally worn out that they weren't really up to saying our night-time prayer themselves. Gwen offered up a small one and then I finished it by thanking God that the shots would be okay and to help the girls be brave, when all at once Claire found a reserve of energy to holler out "No it won't, God!" Somehow her prayer seemed a lot more honest than mine.

Claire's Class Creed

2007-10-29T15:43:00.000-05:00

Claire is the one in the center, with dark clothes.

Scamming the Tooth Fairy

2007-10-29T15:42:00.000-05:00

As I was driving the girls to school the other day my oldest (Claire) said to me that her tooth was so loose she thought she could pull it out. I told that was fine if she wanted to do that. Secretly, I was glad she wanted to do it herself because the thought of pulling it out for her made my knees buckle (I am not sure how I ever was able to loose my own baby teeth). Claire decided she would wait until she got to school so then she could get a “tooth badge” or maybe it was a “tooth bag”. Either way, it was good because I didn’t have to get involved!!!

I zoned out again for awhile only to tune in later and hear my youngest (Gwen) convincing Claire to put the tooth under her pillow. Claire pleasantly said “Okay and you can get the money”. I tell you, my future is looking scary; I have one budding scam artist and another innocently, trusting one just waiting to be scammed and cheerfully at that!

However, Claire is not unintelligent, as she did think to tell her sister that she better not smile in her dreams or the Tooth Fairy would know that it was not her tooth. She then began to ponder deeper and stated in an inquiring way “The Tooth Fairy doesn’t see us, right mom?” I assume this was to mean like God or Santa Claus. So Claire then deduced that the Tooth Fairy must visit every child’s bed every night and check under each pillow for teeth that have fallen out. And if the whole conversation wasn’t crazy or humorous enough, I found myself thinking that this is terribly inefficient and there must be some way to send alerts to the tooth fairy only from beds with teeth in them!!!

Raising Claire and Gwen

2007-08-28T12:17:00.000-05:00

There have been a number of things the girls have said lately that I keep meaning to get down but seem to never find the time. Here are some of them.

Claire and Gwen are taking part in this Junior Acolyte program and soon they will be carrying in the cross during one of the morning services. The leader had explained to them, that the one carrying the cross was not to be the center of attention, that at church God is the most important one. Later that night as I was laying in Claire's bed saying prayers with her, I asked her if she knew why we worship God and why He is most important. Claire (who has been feeling quite slighted by any attention her sister gets lately) answered grumpily "Because He always wants to be the center of attention!"
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Gwen told me the other day she met the boy she was going to marry! There is a little boy named Jacob who she sees on the playground at school. She had told me how they had played in the sand together and how he says hi to her. Thinking how cute and innocent this all was, I was sharing the news with my niece Meghan (in front of Claire and Gwen) and how Gwen plays with Jacob in the sand box. Then Claire real serious says "only Mom, there is no sand box!". My mind is quicky flashing back to one of my teenage sisters excuses she used to secretly meet up with her boyfriend, arrrggghhh! "Claire, what do you mean there is no sandbox?!" "Well mom, there is a sand pile, but no sandbox". Whew! I still have a few years!!!!
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Yesterday Gwen did not want to go to school. When she woke up she told me she needed to stay home with Grandma because she believed she had diarrhea, though trust me that is something mom's do not usually miss noticing! Next, she decided her throat was scratchy and insisted I take her temperature. Normal temperature (she has not learned the light bulb trick yet). So I inform her she needs to go to school and to go get dressed. I hear Claire and her mulling around in their bedroom and pretty soon Claire, who is dressed for school, comes to inform me that "sister says she is going to throw up in 30 minutes. Really, she is not making it up!" As I glance down the hall I see Gwen has put on fresh pajamas and her bathrobe. I had to laugh though I did tell her that she would look pretty funny being the only one at school with her PJ's on!

Rich and Ageless

2007-08-18T12:21:00.000-05:00

Rich and Ageless ... I am definitely not talking about myself! It is just how I would describe a certain few old hymns that I like. Here is one of my favorites that I heard on a Celtic Music CD I was listening to today. Any of you have a favorite?

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee, Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle-shield, sword for my fight,
Be Thou my dignity, Thou my delight.
Thou my soul's shelter, Thou my high tower.
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'ns Son!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O ruler of all.

Ancient Irish hymn, possibly from the 8th Century, tr. by Mary E. Byrne

Healing Words

2007-04-20T12:20:00.000-05:00

This has been a rough week. There is just too much hate and hurt in this world. Some of this hatred and hurt begins and is spread through our words to others. Things we say or maybe don't say. I have been the recipient of some unkind words this week, but I know too well that I have also been the source of some hurtful words. I hope to do less and less of that in my life.

I have been also been touched this week by a different kind of words. Words that have brought healing and strength. We can do much destruction with our words but we can also bring about a lot of healing. Sometimes we should not speak. Silence, not words is what is needed. But there are moments, opportunities, we all have to bring comfort, encouragement and life with our words. Here are some of the words which were spoken to me this week which I want to pass on:

"I have a smile for everyone" quoting my mom

"Sometimes I get on my knees and bow my head and allow Jesus to straighten me. I am weak and he is strong.'' quoting my cousin Fred

"Remember, I have your back!" quoting a friend

And most of all the words "I Love You!!!" quoting family and friends

Peace

Quoting my Kids

2007-03-07T19:04:00.000-06:00

"Life is something you go through ... right mom?" (this was in response to one of my more meaningful mom answers of "that's the way life is honey")

"Mom, you could be President of the United States!" (I guess since everyone seems to be running these days Claire figured why not her mom)

"Sister is freaking me up!" (freaking me out crossed with cracking me up)

"Mom, when I was a baby I drank milk from a bottle, not from your butt ... right mom?" (this statement occurred several hours after a visit to Jeff's cousin's farm where she observed a baby calf nursing from it's mother)

Another Quote Worth Sharing ...

2007-02-14T19:30:00.000-06:00

"Systems, institutions, ideologies resist questions, forbid questions, for fear the obvious answers undermine the authority of what has always been. But real faith demands questions. Real faith looks under every rock, looks behind every facade, looks through every pallid formula and its pretense at persuasion to find the real face of God and the Jesus who questioned, questioned, questioned everything." Seeing With Our Souls by Joan Chittister, O.S.B.

Road Trip to the Rock Cafe!

2007-02-03T16:17:00.000-06:00

GOAL!!!!!

2007-01-23T12:51:00.000-06:00

Snow Days and PJ Days ... We Love Having Fun!!!

2007-01-23T11:00:00.000-06:00

Back to the Center

2007-01-20T03:40:00.000-06:00

This past year has been crazy, many changes have occurred and it doesn't look like that pattern is going to let up anytime soon. Lately, I really miss the closeness and fellowship of some of my old friends, the familiarity of established community and am overwhelmed at times by uncertainties ahead. I have been feeling empty and lost. Yet, after reading an encouraging email from a friend it occurred to me that God's love for me and relationship with me has not changed. God is as close as ever, if I would but slow down, be still and "know". There is much comfort and rest in that.

Beyond Ourselves

2007-01-20T02:35:00.000-06:00

In my studies lately, I have been reading about various people's thoughts and investigations concerning the scripture's claims of the miracles performed by Christ and his resurrection from the dead. While it is, in my opinion, important to seriously investigate matters of such significance to see if they are true or not, I have been struck with sadness at what appears to be scholars who limit their ability to accept things to only what they can comprehend.

It seems to me that to limit the possibility of something being true to one's ability to understand it, explain it or "scientifically" prove it, denies the possibility that there exists anything greater than ourselves. It denies the possibility of God, or at the very least, believes that either God is as limited as we are, or that we can know that God chooses to limit his/her or interactions with the world to some set of comprehendible laws which he/she never violates. It seems to me that this is great arrogance and this says faith and hope do not exist.

If Only I Had a Magic Wand!

2006-11-10T18:35:00.000-06:00

I took the girls to see a magic show last night. The performers pulled off some amazing tricks and we all enjoyed it. On the way home we were talking about the show and I asked the girls how they thought the magicians made those things happen? Gwen replied "Because they have a magic wand." To which Claire responded "I wish I had a magic wand, then I could make golf balls appear in my hand!" Gwen thought about this and then declared "If I had a magic wand, I could make kids at school disappear!" Now there's a thought!

This is My Body ...

2006-08-09T16:14:00.000-05:00

Awhile ago at church my four year old daughter Gwen asked me, "Mom, is it time to eat the body of Christ?". Ewwwww! It sounded so barbaric spoken that way. Adults don't usually refer to it so bluntly. We talk about it as receiving communion or the bread. And we can quickly translate to something symbolic, but children don't do that, so it must sound crazy to them. I also know that in John 6 Christ's talk of eating his flesh tripped up some of his followers and caused them to walk away.

So what of all this? Is it only symbolic? Some believe it actually becomes the body and blood of Christ. Should we soften how we talk about it so that it doesn't sound like we are being cannibals or should it make us uncomfortable? I keep meaning to spend some time reflecting on this because I think there is meaning to be had here. I thought maybe instead I would throw it out for feedback from others. Do any of you have any thoughts on this?

I wonder ...

2006-07-11T12:10:00.000-05:00

How come it seems the "absolutes" we are taught in life, which are supposed to provide answers, comfort and hope for the unknown elements of life, often seem shallow, simplistic and even at times heartless? Life is incomprehensible and mysterious, not simplistic, so why would I limit myself to simplistic answers?

Gwen's Hands

2006-05-25T16:02:00.000-05:00

Busy, sticky, colorful, sweet, and precious are the hands of a child.

A moment of sweetness

2006-05-04T08:21:00.000-05:00

This week has been one where I feel like I am walking around with a mirror in front of my face that is constantly glaring back all my character defects! My impatience as a wife and, in particular, as a mom, along with my seeming inability to improve in this area, has really beaten me down. Yet this morning my low spirit was lifted by a brief moment with my daughter Gwen.

We got up this morning about 5:30 AM to a pitch dark house. We were in the middle of a thunder and lightening storm and were without power. After a lot of chaos stumbling around in the dark, trying to find candles and flashlights, while having a four year old gripping tightly on the back of my shirt, Gwen and I plopped down in our big recliner for a break. We were just sitting there in the dark listening to the storm when Gwen said "Mom, can we talk to God right now?" I said, "sure, ask Him what you want." So I started her out "Dear God ..." To which Gwen finished "God, please keep the storm out of our house, and bring the power back in". The sweetness of her prayer and the fact that she initiated it touched me. And as I write this down so I can remember this moment, I realize she has given me a prayer to pray for myself

"God, please keep the storm out of the house of myself and

bring the the power of Your Spirit back in."

Thanks Gwen! I can see a little bit better now :o)

What if we are just as clueless ... ?

2006-04-10T23:51:00.000-05:00

Maybe it is just me, but as Christians it seems we approach the scriptures with a certain attitude of "enlightenment". We have this advantage of being on the other side of Christ's death and ressurection and so we see more clearly what it is all about. Basically we have it all figured out, well not really, but yeah.

As I read the Old and New Testament and see where various individuals just didn't quite get it, I sometimes feel different from them. I am viewing past history and I know how it turns out ... or do I? I forget history is as close as a brief moment ago. What if I am just as clueless? I think to some degree I have to assume that I am, and if I do, I will probably be better off and more able for God to teach and use.

Christ did say it is finished but He also said He is coming again. The story continues and though His spirit dwells in me and teaches me, I have to ask myself am I listening to God? Do I really hear clearly or is my filter a bit too clogged with what I think I know?

Occassionally I read some writings of those widely held as past Christian heroes of the faith. Sometimes I am astounded at a statement or two they make and I wonder at the implications of what they say. Usually, it is refreshingly liberating but I wonder have others really stopped to fully listen to them? I mean if they have, I don't get it, because it certainly doesn't "fit" in the traditional Christian teachings I have heard. I am glad for such writings. They give me courage to really listen to God. Maybe, what I hear won't always fit in with the "mainstream" and maybe it won't always be what I want to hear but I pray "God, give me ears to hear, wisdom to discern and a heart to follow You".

Beautiful Reflection!

2006-02-15T09:23:00.000-06:00

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known."

I Cor. 13:12

Watch the news for these upcoming stars!

2006-02-01T13:45:00.000-06:00

Meditating on Matthew 6:9

2006-01-12T11:06:00.000-06:00

Our Father ... Originator and Creator of every living being; our Source,

Who art in Heaven ... You who exist in a realm much greater than our earthly capacity to perceive,

Hallowed be Thy name ...Holy, Pure, and True are You. You are who You are, in spite of who we, in our limited ability, imagine you to be.

I John 5:4 (The Message)

2006-01-06T07:47:00.000-06:00

"Every God-begotten person conquers the world's ways. The conquering power that brings the world to its knees is our faith."

Father in Heaven, I pray you would overtake me with your love. Not just so I will know it, but also that I would be a vessel through which Your love flows out to others. Be with those in my heart that I know are in need. Grant them peace,healing and companionship. Direct my steps so I may be used to help others and give me what I need for today to accomplish what is before me. Bless those who may wander here and read ... through Jesus Your Son amen.

Heavenly Dreams

2005-12-30T08:19:00.000-06:00

My niece Meghan was helping me keep the kids occupied during the holiday break. We had taken them to the park and then we drove around showing them a house that Grandma and Grandpa had lived in. This again sparked questions from Claire and Gwen regarding Grandpa Lew and Heaven. Claire asked us if you could make a phone call to heaven. As we explained that while you couldn't call someone in Heaven on the phone, you could talk to them in your heart. Gwen then piped up and added "or you can talk to them in your dreams!". I wonder what she has been dreaming lately?

Post-Christmas Post

2005-12-29T08:04:00.000-06:00

I have been a bit melancholy lately. Life does seem to speed by and I think it is kind of strange being an older parent. On the one hand, I and my siblings are quickly aging, with only my mom and one aunt left above us. On the other hand, I have two very lively and active toddlers who are just beginning their life journey. How crazy it can be. I thought (silly me) I would have a moment to write this post and sort through some of my feelings while my children played nicely with their new Christmas toys. Now I am wondering why I told my sister they both wanted play makeup! While Claire has been lining up her lipsticks like little people and pulling off all the caps announcing "You are free!", Gwen has been painting the floor and my night-stand with glitter gel! So I give up and I will go do as I should and play with my children. That will probably be most beneficial for me anyway.

Though I will end with two things, a good quote from C.S. Lewis in his book The Last Battle:

"Grown up, indeed," said the Lady Polly. "I wish she would grow up. She wasted all her school time wanting to be the age she is now, and she'll waste the rest of her life trying to stay that age. Her whole idea is to race on to the silliest time of one's life as quick as she can and then stop there as long as she can."

And something from the kids:

claireglimmercat

gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
GGGGGGWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEENN

enough said :o)

Mailboxes in Heaven

2005-12-12T09:53:00.000-06:00

Claire was inquiring about a Christmas card I was taping to our cupboard. "Who is it from?". "It is from Grandpa" I replied. (More correctly, I should have said Grandpa and Grandma). "Grandpa Lew?" she wanted to know. Grandpa Lew passed away the year before she was born, so I said "No, Grandpa Laurin, but if Grandpa Lew could send you a card I know he would!" Maybe I was being a little weird, but I hate to limit possibilities and I know my Dad would think the same way, so I added "Who knows maybe he will figure out a way to get one to you." "Why don't you keep your eyes out and let me know if you get one". To which Claire asked "Do they have mailboxes in heaven?"

What would you have answered?

Merry Christmas! (respectfully so)

2005-12-08T07:54:00.000-06:00

I don't like to join on band wagons. Never have, but it does seem to me that we americans get a little crazy in our attempts to be inclusive and "loving". What are we teaching our kids? Family therapists tell us that to walk on eggshells in our relationships is not healthy. Yet, I see society increasingly worrying about not offending this person or that person. I realize there are a lot of different sides to diversity issues. People have been horribly hurt and discriminated against. Continued change is needed, but do we really have to deny who we are or where we have come from to be loving? To walk around in fear of offending someone because we think/believe different is insane. I want to teach my children to be respectful of others AND I want to teach them to respect themselves. I hope I can do that by being a good example. A blessed Christmas and Happy New Year to all!!!

Fall 2005

2005-11-30T13:19:00.000-06:00

Family Moments

Room Enough to Dance

2005-11-21T02:15:00.000-06:00

This morning at church I brought the girls up for communion, doing my usual bit, trying to keep them corralled and still be as focused as I could on the sacredness of the moment. Jeff was home sick, so it was a bit more difficult, but fortunately Claire attached herself to one of my girl friends and all was well ... Ha! After I received the bread and was waiting for the cup, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Claire had turned and was waving at another friend of ours who was waiting in line to come to the altar... okay, cute and not too critical of an offense. Then as I looked back, Gwen broke away from the altar and began to happily twirl like a ballerina. I had a momentary flash of stress and tried to put on the show of a responsible parent, quietly snapping my fingers and firmly whispering to her to get back beside me, but she was lost in another world. Then, as quickly as the stress came, it left. It seemed peacefully sweet and I think I felt God's smile.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think this was any major "spiritual" experience going on with my child, at least in the religious sense of the word. In fact, for some, it may have seemed out of line. For Gwen, I just think that for a brief moment she was a ballerina who found room enough to dance in an open space at the front of the church. And yet, as I write this, I think maybe that it is VERY spiritual and though I slightly sense it, my "adult" mind can't quite grasp it. I hope as I grow older I am able to find more room in which to lose myself and dance and much less room to stress!!!

Snippets

2005-11-21T02:05:00.000-06:00

Last year, if you asked Claire what she wanted to be, she would have told you a firefighter. This year she is torn, as now she wants to be a mommy, but still wants to be a firefighter too. The other day she started a conversation with me of "When I grow up and am a fire-mama ..."

My mom was in a bad car accident on Tuesday of this week and thankfully, though her car is totaled, she is fine. Jeff and I talked about it some with the girls but didn't think it wise to dwell on it too much with them. Then on Friday evening, my niece Meghan was singing to the girls a rendition of "Grandma got run over by a reindeer ..." when Gwen piped up "No she didn't, she was in a car accident."

Synchronized Sleeping!

2005-11-14T09:14:00.000-06:00

My niece Meghan snapped this picture from her phone as we were driving back from Stillwater.

Kisses and Angel Dirt

2005-11-09T08:51:00.000-06:00

- Last night on the way home from work I asked Claire, my four year old, if she had played with Jaden today, one of the boys in her class. To which she replied, "Yes, but he did not kiss me, he kissed Sarah. He let me down." "Are you kissing boys?!" I asked teasingly and she said "Yes, I have to." "Why?" I asked. "Because, they need it." she said ...... My future is looking scary!!!! :o)

- Claire, Gwen and the neighbor's daughter were playing out in our backyard. I was relaxing when I noticed, Claire lying face down in a patch of dirt, moving her arms and legs up and down, like you might do on your back in the snow. I asked her what she was doing and she said "Making angel dirt!"

I occasionally post things like this to share, because I am a mom and I think they are cute. But it is also a way for me to perserve them, because I am a mom and I don't remember much. Lest anyone think I talk more about Claire than Gwen. It is isn't that Gwen never says anything cute ... she does and I will post them when I remember to. But Gwen is more of the silent, plotting type, that doesn't give too much away other than that knowing little grin of hers!!!

Growing Taller!

2005-10-28T12:30:00.000-05:00

New pic of Claire & Gwen

Oh to be like this ...

2005-10-28T11:21:00.000-05:00

I ran across this image on some art website but I can't recall where. If anyone knows the origin of the print let me know so I can give proper credit and I would love to buy a print.

This just really strikes deep in me of how I want to be before God. Oh to be like a small child laying in a field of grass and wildflowers, basking in the warm rays of His divine love! Oh to embrace that love in joyful innocence, unconflicted by the things in this life that are difficult to understand!

Sometimes You Just Need A Good Quote ....

2005-10-21T08:04:00.000-05:00

"Don't whip yourself for your lack of spiritual progress. If you do, you will easily be pulled even further away from your center. You will damage yourself and make it more difficult to come home again." Henri Nouwen

Casey

2005-08-25T09:03:00.000-05:00

Casey "PupperDog"

Yesterday we said goodbye to one of our family and a very good friend. Thank you Casey for taking care of Jeff long before he had the girls and I in his life. And thank you for all the snuggles and kisses on the nose!!! May you run freely now through fields of heavenly grass!!! Love you!!!!

Treasuring Family!

2005-08-22T09:37:00.000-05:00

My wonderful nieces and daughters!!!

Glimmer

2005-08-08T15:52:00.000-05:00

Meet Glimmer the newest addition to our family!!!

The many faces of C & G

2005-07-12T16:28:00.000-05:00

From ballet, swimming, dolls, dinosaurs, to discovering their genetic roots the girls are keeping us busy, at times stressed and almost always amused!!!

The Next Claire

2005-06-20T22:58:00.000-05:00

This afternoon I was driving in the car, just Claire and I. She was rattling on about things, asking questions concerning everything (as I guess four year olds do) when she asked me "When I was a baby did I eat healthy food?". "Yes", I replied "but now you don't always". "Because I don't like vegetables" she said back and then added "but the next Claire will eat vegetables". "The next Claire? Is there going to be another Claire?". To which she replied "yes, when I grow a little older". Shortly following this Claire asked me "Are we are in a story?". In the midst of trying to clairfy if she had just said what I thought she did and that I was not actually having a flashback to my college philosophy class, she inquired "how will the end be?". I decided she might have the better answer so I asked her "how do you think it will end?". To which she replied "I will be nicer". "You think we will grow to be nicer?". "Yes", she agreed. Hmmm ... I can only hope, the "next me" will be nicer, be much more patient and of course eat more vegetables!!!!

Pookey

2005-06-09T07:35:00.000-05:00

Today, our four and three year old girls are starting ballet. We wish we could be there and watch but we have to work and besides that no parents or grandparents are allowed as they are too distracting (imagine that!)

Grandma will be taking them and so on the way to drop them off, Dad and I were talking up the class, how grandma will be close by, it will be fun, etc, etc and somehow the topic of whether boys would be in the class came up. Once we finally convinced Claire that boys could be in ballet, no they probably wouldn't have their hair pulled up, they would wear a different outfit then hers, it was okay for boys to walk on tippy toes and they would look "athletic" not "cute", then Claire decided she would like the boys and asked if could she talk to them? We said "okay" and of course had to reassure Gwen (who does not like boys) that she did not have to talk to them. Given that, Claire wanted to know if they would tell her their name and if she could tell them hers. Dad and I said "yes" and under our breath said "of course no exchanging phone numbers and you must remain 12 inches apart!". Next, Gwen inquired what name they would call Claire to which we replied "Claire" and Gwen said "you mean they won't call her Pookey?" "Pookey"?! Where did Gwen get that? Dad and I have no idea but we were relieved to hear Claire adamantly declare "they would NOT call her Pookey"!!!!!

The God of My Understanding

2005-06-01T10:42:00.000-05:00

The God my understanding …

Is much greater than me and is always present with me whether I can sense it or not.

Is NOT against me but is FOR me.

Is not male or female as we are, though I refer to God as “Him”, He expresses himself to me in both masculine and feminine ways.

Is willing and able to help me be the kind of person He wants me to be and offers forgiveness when I fall short of this goal.

Is actively involved in my life circumstances, though sometimes He allows negative things, He does not abandon me and is able to help me through.

Allows me and others the freedom to make choices – good or bad.

Is able to take care of others in my life that I entrust to Him.

Cares deeply for me and cherishes me.

Is full of love beyond what I can imagine or take in.

Provides comfort and encouragement to me in tangible ways.

Gives generously to me in many ways, especially through special people He has placed in my life.

Shows His love for me in various ways. One way is through the love and friendship of others towards me.

Is able to restore me and heal me in areas where I have been wounded and hurt.

Is able to take painful things in my life and use them for good for me and for others.

Is able to give me understanding and help me see difficult things more clearly.

Is patient and tolerant.

Is no respecter of persons – God values all people and does not judge or value us based on the standards of our world.

Listens to my prayers to Him and responds, though not always how and when I think it should be.

Speaks to me in various ways – other people, events, dreams, visions, nature, music, etc.

Is able to break apart my limiting boxes and break down barriers which I have erected.

Is beyond my comprehension but at the same time is able to be on “my level”.

Loving Jesus

2005-05-26T07:51:00.000-05:00

"He who has My commandments and keeps them is the one who loves Me; and he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and will disclose Myself to him."
John 14:21 (New American Standard Bible)

One evening last week a small group I was part of spent some time contemplating the above verse and surrounding scripture. I had a bit of reaction to the keeping My commandments part and a heaviness came on me as I heard "what was required of me" to be loved by God. I know that God's love is supposed to be unconditional and that He loves me even in my failures and brokenness but sometimes the scriptures and frankly some of christian teaching seem conflicting and trip me up.

Tonight, I got to thinking about why someone would keep the commands or emmulate the teachings of another, and I think they would do this for one of two reasons. Either because they loved and respected that person or because they feared them. If I really admired someone and adored that person then I would want to be like them, please them and do things that allowed me to be near them. If I greatly feared someone and could not escape them (like God) then I would not want them to be upset with me and would want to keep them happy. Unfortunately, at times I think my "following God" has been too often from the latter. But why? What is it that is blocking me from a love relationship with God?

There have been moments when I have had glimpses of God's awesome love and have tasted His sweetness. Why can't I seem to live there? Do I really like what I see when I look at what the scriptures say about Jesus and God? Not always, but often I think it is because I don't see clearly and/or because of teachings I have received about how to look at these scriptures. Now, I am trying to take another look and not be afraid to question and struggle. I know it is okay if I am conflicted.

So, in considering John 14:21 and the thought of keeping Jesus's commandments, I ask myself "what did Jesus command?" The things that easily come to mind are to love, serve, forgive, share, believe, heal, give, lay down our lives ... Wow, if I push aside all the old voices which plague me as to what a christian is supposed to be and just look at this, that is not a God to run from, but a God to run to.

Jesus commandments seem very different from the rules and regulations often emphasized by the religious teachers of old and current. They focus on things like how often you pray, how exactly to pray, memorizing scripture, keeping the sabbath, having the correct beliefs, not doing this thing or that thing, etc. In fact, they often appear to be more concerned about the rules being kept than the reason for the rules or the person for which the rules were meant to serve.

Jesus, on the other hand, zeroed in on the commandments that related to loving and serving and He often offended by "working" on the sabbath or hanging out with persons of questionable character. He taught that we were not created for the purpose of keeping rules but that the laws and teachings were given to guide us and help us. Now, that is a yoke that is easy and a burden that is light.

And after all my contemplating, John 14:21 seems to be saying to me that you'll know those who really love Jesus because they will be the ones with God's spirit alive in them, working the works of God through them. They don't just talk about loving God, you see God loving through them in the things they do, the way they are and mostly in the people whose lives they touch.

On Being a Princess

2005-05-25T08:03:00.000-05:00

Worth Reflecting On

2005-05-25T07:41:00.000-05:00

"The well being of the world rests on our ability to embrace each other in the midst of our differences, to feel empathy, to live as if we are all one flesh."

Tender Fires by Fran Ferder and John Heagle

A Better Place

2005-05-16T15:31:00.000-05:00

I was asking my four year old daughter about an upcoming family day at school and what songs were they going to sing. She started softly saying something about leaving the world a better place. I told her that was a good thing and asked her who had taught her that. She said her teacher.

Now, I do not know if that is in a song she learned or what, but that just struck me as awesome. What better thing could her teacher teach her than that? If she never attains to any scholastic achievement, yet keeps that concept in her heart and tries to live it out she will have achieved much more than I could ever dream for her. Thanks Mrs. Campbell and Mrs. Green, you are the best!!!!! Thanks for loving my daughter and giving her of yourselves!

Seeing Beyond the Fog of Me

2005-05-12T07:39:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have been pondering how reactions and assumptions, can blur our vision, limit our hearing and harden our hearts. We all have them, they have been formed and developed through the experiences and interactions we have received throughout our lives. Not all the ideas we have formed in our lives are limiting. Probably many are helpful and even accurate. But haven't you had that experience where someone pushes a button in you and you find yourself stiffening inwardly and probably outwardly as well?

I know have, and so this week I have found myself wondering how much of what I see and hear is distorted as it is filtered through the fog of my own history and the conclusions I have made based on that history. Do I really hear and understand what others are saying? Of course not one hundred percent, but could I hear better? Do I limit what God is trying to show me or say to me because my thoughts and emotions are distracting me or even blinding me to the truth? Am I so wrapped up in me that I miss out on appreciating the presence of another or even God?

I exist in the realm of stupid people :o)

2005-05-06T07:35:00.000-05:00

I saw a movie, the other night, about quatum physics which was pretty thought-provoking and full of things probably beyond my realm of intelligence. It did provide some pretty cool things to think about and I am sure there is truth in there, though some of the conclusions people seem to draw off of it were hard for me to buy (for more reasons than just an offense to basic christian thought).

One thing in the movie that I have been thinking about is a lady at the end said something to the effect that we are not good or bad, we are god, there no judgment for things done wrong, etc. etc. Nice thoughts ,and for me, I believe, there are strong elements of the truth in there, but if there is no price to pay for bad things then why did Christ have to suffer and die?

I suppose this movie might say that he only had to suffer and die in the realm of the reality of people who need that or choose that. And "I am sure" those realities are less evolved (i.e. realms of stupid people). Or maybe the history of Christ's followers just misunderstood and got it all wrong. Maybe his death wasn't a sacrifice but that is just how they interpreted it to fit their needs. Hmmm. And of course I won't try to go see what Christ (or his followers) said about his own death in scriptures because that's going to bring about a whole lot more for me to blog about.

I guess for now I will suffice to say that I exist in the realm of stupid people and need a savior for my shortcomings and need a god to make me whole. It would be nice if there is no hell but I myself, in my realm, cannot throw that concept out just because it is uncomfortable and is hard to reconcile with a god who is love. I am sure I do not fully understand it and I am okay to be uncomfortable with it and still be convinced god is very loving!!! Cheers!