A lot has changed in my life and I have changed with it.  Life does not look how I imagined it, or even thought it should be, but here I am.  Hopefully, I have grown and changed mostly for the better.   I do know I have A LOT to be thankful for.  I have had a lot of love in my life through family and friends.  I have also had a lot of great experiences.   I am looking forward to whats ahead.

I've been thinking about blogging again.   Sometimes I think I have things that are worth saying.  And sometimes I think that is pretty vain - LOL!    But whatever ...

I started this blog around 20 years ago.  I thought about starting a new one as there may be things in here I would view differently now.  But I decided it is part of my life journey so I will just add on to this one. There isn't a lot to the blog and most of it contains cute things about my kids when they were little.  I definitely want to perserve those memories. 

Anyway, we shall see if I follow through and add more to this blog.  I know I have a lot brewing inside as we are in the middle of some scary times for this country.  Believe it or not, I do pause more often before I speak or write these days.  I wonder if I have something worth adding to all the noise.  I wonder even if I do have something worthwhile, will it make a difference?  I also wonder if someday I will look back at my words and wish I hadn't shared them?  I know there are things I used to think and say that I don't hold to now but we can all change and sometimes change is good!

 

Musings

I was pondering as I read from the New Testament this morning and a passage hit me differently then it ever had before.  What the passage was is not so important as what occurred to me. 

How do we really know what a passage of scripture means?  Do we only read the words and get the context in which they were written?  Is that enough or do we need more?  Trying to understand the historical background and setting can also help but can we really know what someone was trying to say by our interpretation and experience of the words we see alone?  When I looked at the passage and how I know it could be interpreted by some and then thought about Christ and applied that interpretation to what I know from more of scripture and my own inner sense of who I know Christ to be it did not fit.  When I read the passage in the light of who I know Christ to be, I heard it differently. 

I realize my light, my understanding of Christ is incomplete and limited but I need to follow the light that leads me and the inner voice I hear. 

Wow!  Time is flying fast and the girls are growing up.  I need to take time to remember some of the beautiful things I love about them.

For starters, over the last two years we have lost both Jeff's mom and my mom.  It has been especially hard on the kids, who were very close to their grandmas.  One day as Claire and I were driving home from the barn, Claire was gazing out the window at the big puffy Oklahoma clouds and said ""Mom, I wonder if after a person passes away their story is told in the clouds".  I do not know honey, but what a beautiful thought!

Long Time No Post

Wow! Looking back at these posts I realize I am glad I did them as they captured some memories too easily forgotten. Claire is 10, almost 11 and Gwen is 9 and 1/2. Time is flying by! I am gonna start posting again if only for me to have a way to preserve some of life's moments on paper.

I don't really have anything much to say today other than that I realized the other day that I am no longer so worried about what I want to be when I grow up as I am what kind of wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend and human being I was. I think this is a good place and with God's help maybe I will have some success :)

I cannot believe it is mid January already! I will strive to post more this year. This is my favorite photo from the holidays. I need to write down things which happen else it is too easy to forget. It all goes by so quickly!

Baby Jesus

This morning before school Gwen told me how she was going to share with her class about baby Jesus and that he was a savior who now is a grown up and called God. "Right, mom?" Ummmm, "Right, Gwen". I mean too much adult theology can really complicate things. Do I tell her Jesus is the Son and God is the Father? So does that translate to her Jesus is not God? Do I tell her Jesus and God are the same? I just chose to pause, enjoy and smile. I am glad she is listening and hearing. It is sweet to observe.

Gwen's Daisy Ceremony

She is now an official Daisy, though she did ask if there were Roses. I think the girl has a bit more expensive taste :)

They keep growing up!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Future Beaus Beware!

I honestly am not sure where Gwen has gotten her fascination with thoughts of brides, marriage, husbands etc. I can only hope she outgrows this phase and does not revisit it for, oh lets say, 30 years or more!!!

The other day I was talking to the kids about them being old enough to start doing some things like making their beds. Claire was all for it and started immediately helping me make the beds but Gwen sat back observing us and declared "I am NEVER going to make a bed"! "Oh, yes you will" I replied with a authoritative tone, that I often use but am usually clueless as to what I am actually going to do. To which Gwen announced "my husband will make the beds" and then followed it with "I think Jacob knows how to make beds". Where does she get this stuff?! And who is this little Jacob guy?!

Cool Girls!

Future Plans

Friday morning Gwen was in a quandry. She told me she couldn't decide who to marry - Jonathan or Jacob. A few minutes later she must have decided how to solve her problem as I overheard her ask Claire "Sis, would you marry Jonathan for me"?

Now, I knew about Jacob but Jonathan was new on the scene so later that day I asked Gwen if Jonathan was now her boyfriend too. She said "No, but I am going to date him when I am in high school."

Now ask me what Gwen was for Halloween ... A BRIDE!!!!!

A Pretty Proud First Grader!

Just a Glimpse

A week or so ago I experienced a very peaceful moment where I seemed to sense the presence of God and His love for me in a way I couldn't shake off or argue with. Though it was a warm and welcome time, there was a part of me that found it difficult to just sit with. My insides are so busy all the time and there was an urge to run off and "share my experience". It was like I peeked around a corner and caught a brief look at Jesus and I was ready to proclaim to everyone my indepth knowledge of Him, though in actuality I had only caught a glimpse.

From some of my Old Testament studies I have learned that the Hebrews would not give a "name" to God for to name something or someone would be to have power over them or probably at least to say you could define them. The older I grow the more and more this seems wise to me.

SHOTS!

Today is flu shot day! I broke it to the girls last night that they were getting a flu shot. Oh the wailing and bargining that ensued! Come to think of it, I believe they traversed all the different stages of grief within a minute's time and in unison.

The settling phase was when they talked me into buying them a toy for taking the shot with reasonable calmness. Of course they had several examples of friends at school that have already received a toy for taking the shot (I smell a conspiracy). I am sure I probably broke some proper parenting rule but the instant gratification of no more whining was too much for me!!!

Later, as we lay down to go to sleep the girls were so emotionally worn out that they weren't really up to saying our night-time prayer themselves. Gwen offered up a small one and then I finished it by thanking God that the shots would be okay and to help the girls be brave, when all at once Claire found a reserve of energy to holler out "No it won't, God!" Somehow her prayer seemed a lot more honest than mine.

Claire's Class Creed

Claire is the one in the center, with dark clothes.

Scamming the Tooth Fairy

As I was driving the girls to school the other day my oldest (Claire) said to me that her tooth was so loose she thought she could pull it out. I told that was fine if she wanted to do that. Secretly, I was glad she wanted to do it herself because the thought of pulling it out for her made my knees buckle (I am not sure how I ever was able to loose my own baby teeth). Claire decided she would wait until she got to school so then she could get a “tooth badge” or maybe it was a “tooth bag”. Either way, it was good because I didn’t have to get involved!!!

I zoned out again for awhile only to tune in later and hear my youngest (Gwen) convincing Claire to put the tooth under her pillow. Claire pleasantly said “Okay and you can get the money”. I tell you, my future is looking scary; I have one budding scam artist and another innocently, trusting one just waiting to be scammed and cheerfully at that!

However, Claire is not unintelligent, as she did think to tell her sister that she better not smile in her dreams or the Tooth Fairy would know that it was not her tooth. She then began to ponder deeper and stated in an inquiring way “The Tooth Fairy doesn’t see us, right mom?” I assume this was to mean like God or Santa Claus. So Claire then deduced that the Tooth Fairy must visit every child’s bed every night and check under each pillow for teeth that have fallen out. And if the whole conversation wasn’t crazy or humorous enough, I found myself thinking that this is terribly inefficient and there must be some way to send alerts to the tooth fairy only from beds with teeth in them!!!

Raising Claire and Gwen

There have been a number of things the girls have said lately that I keep meaning to get down but seem to never find the time. Here are some of them.

Claire and Gwen are taking part in this Junior Acolyte program and soon they will be carrying in the cross during one of the morning services. The leader had explained to them, that the one carrying the cross was not to be the center of attention, that at church God is the most important one. Later that night as I was laying in Claire's bed saying prayers with her, I asked her if she knew why we worship God and why He is most important. Claire (who has been feeling quite slighted by any attention her sister gets lately) answered grumpily "Because He always wants to be the center of attention!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gwen told me the other day she met the boy she was going to marry! There is a little boy named Jacob who she sees on the playground at school. She had told me how they had played in the sand together and how he says hi to her. Thinking how cute and innocent this all was, I was sharing the news with my niece Meghan (in front of Claire and Gwen) and how Gwen plays with Jacob in the sand box. Then Claire real serious says "only Mom, there is no sand box!". My mind is quicky flashing back to one of my teenage sisters excuses she used to secretly meet up with her boyfriend, arrrggghhh! "Claire, what do you mean there is no sandbox?!" "Well mom, there is a sand pile, but no sandbox". Whew! I still have a few years!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yesterday Gwen did not want to go to school. When she woke up she told me she needed to stay home with Grandma because she believed she had diarrhea, though trust me that is something mom's do not usually miss noticing! Next, she decided her throat was scratchy and insisted I take her temperature. Normal temperature (she has not learned the light bulb trick yet). So I inform her she needs to go to school and to go get dressed. I hear Claire and her mulling around in their bedroom and pretty soon Claire, who is dressed for school, comes to inform me that "sister says she is going to throw up in 30 minutes. Really, she is not making it up!" As I glance down the hall I see Gwen has put on fresh pajamas and her bathrobe. I had to laugh though I did tell her that she would look pretty funny being the only one at school with her PJ's on!

Rich and Ageless

Rich and Ageless ... I am definitely not talking about myself! It is just how I would describe a certain few old hymns that I like. Here is one of my favorites that I heard on a Celtic Music CD I was listening to today. Any of you have a favorite?

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee, Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle-shield, sword for my fight,
Be Thou my dignity, Thou my delight.
Thou my soul's shelter, Thou my high tower.
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'ns Son!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O ruler of all.

Ancient Irish hymn, possibly from the 8th Century, tr. by Mary E. Byrne

Healing Words

This has been a rough week. There is just too much hate and hurt in this world. Some of this hatred and hurt begins and is spread through our words to others. Things we say or maybe don't say. I have been the recipient of some unkind words this week, but I know too well that I have also been the source of some hurtful words. I hope to do less and less of that in my life.

I have been also been touched this week by a different kind of words. Words that have brought healing and strength. We can do much destruction with our words but we can also bring about a lot of healing. Sometimes we should not speak. Silence, not words is what is needed. But there are moments, opportunities, we all have to bring comfort, encouragement and life with our words. Here are some of the words which were spoken to me this week which I want to pass on:

"I have a smile for everyone" quoting my mom

"Sometimes I get on my knees and bow my head and allow Jesus to straighten me. I am weak and he is strong.'' quoting my cousin Fred

"Remember, I have your back!" quoting a friend

And most of all the words "I Love You!!!" quoting family and friends

Peace

Quoting my Kids

"Life is something you go through ... right mom?" (this was in response to one of my more meaningful mom answers of "that's the way life is honey")

"Mom, you could be President of the United States!" (I guess since everyone seems to be running these days Claire figured why not her mom)

"Sister is freaking me up!" (freaking me out crossed with cracking me up)

"Mom, when I was a baby I drank milk from a bottle, not from your butt ... right mom?" (this statement occurred several hours after a visit to Jeff's cousin's farm where she observed a baby calf nursing from it's mother)

Another Quote Worth Sharing ...

"Systems, institutions, ideologies resist questions, forbid questions, for fear the obvious answers undermine the authority of what has always been. But real faith demands questions. Real faith looks under every rock, looks behind every facade, looks through every pallid formula and its pretense at persuasion to find the real face of God and the Jesus who questioned, questioned, questioned everything." Seeing With Our Souls by Joan Chittister, O.S.B.

Road Trip to the Rock Cafe!

GOAL!!!!!

Snow Days and PJ Days ... We Love Having Fun!!!

Back to the Center

This past year has been crazy, many changes have occurred and it doesn't look like that pattern is going to let up anytime soon. Lately, I really miss the closeness and fellowship of some of my old friends, the familiarity of established community and am overwhelmed at times by uncertainties ahead. I have been feeling empty and lost. Yet, after reading an encouraging email from a friend it occurred to me that God's love for me and relationship with me has not changed. God is as close as ever, if I would but slow down, be still and "know". There is much comfort and rest in that.

Beyond Ourselves

In my studies lately, I have been reading about various people's thoughts and investigations concerning the scripture's claims of the miracles performed by Christ and his resurrection from the dead. While it is, in my opinion, important to seriously investigate matters of such significance to see if they are true or not, I have been struck with sadness at what appears to be scholars who limit their ability to accept things to only what they can comprehend.

It seems to me that to limit the possibility of something being true to one's ability to understand it, explain it or "scientifically" prove it, denies the possibility that there exists anything greater than ourselves. It denies the possibility of God, or at the very least, believes that either God is as limited as we are, or that we can know that God chooses to limit his/her or interactions with the world to some set of comprehendible laws which he/she never violates. It seems to me that this is great arrogance and this says faith and hope do not exist.